Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
