great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
