if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
