I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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