So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
