Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
