your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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