Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
