May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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