I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
