my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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