I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
