dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
