Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
