new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
