I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
