Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
