jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
