i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
