I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
