I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
