I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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