Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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