Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
