I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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