I met the friendliest cop last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
