Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
