she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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