Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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