Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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