Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
