The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
