Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
