he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
