what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
