Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
