Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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