Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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