Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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