you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
