I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
