She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
