also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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