clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
