just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
