I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
