If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So many bounce houses so little time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize