My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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