she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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