i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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