he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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