can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
