His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish you could order shots online.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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