until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
