Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
