you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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