that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
