is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
