you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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