Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
