Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
