Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
