I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i think i just lost a toe
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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